yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize