I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
