i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
