Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
