When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
