I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
