your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
