im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
