After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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