Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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