I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
