Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
