I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
