Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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