plz talk dirty to me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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