what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
