it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
