Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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