So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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