you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
