When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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