i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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