what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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