I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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