I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
