I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
