He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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