I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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