Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
