There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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