ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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