the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
