This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
