Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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