Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
