i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
