I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
