I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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