watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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