It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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