If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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