Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
50% drunk capacity currently
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
