I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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