I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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