I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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