He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
