Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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