drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
