I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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