I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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