I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
