$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
