Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
