I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
