You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
