You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
