How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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