Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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