They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
