The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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