In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
