After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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