I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
