can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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