Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
