i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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