Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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