Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
