I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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