Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
