Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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