yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
