WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
