i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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