The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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