I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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