My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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